6 Excuses Nigerian Politicians Give for Defecting, Ranked by How Little Sense They Make

6. "I left to better serve my constituents." Delivered by a lawmaker who has not set foot in his constituency since the ribbon-cutting ceremony for a borehole that has since dried up. His constituents found out about the defection from a WhatsApp forward, the same channel through which they learn most news about him.

5. "The party has drifted from its founding ideology." A grave concern, voiced with real solemnity, by a man who personally co-founded the party in question, sat on its founding ideology committee, and has now defected for the fourth time in three election cycles, each departure blamed on ideological drift he somehow keeps failing to notice in advance.

4. "I was pushed out." Said by a politician who, according to the party's own press release issued that same afternoon, remains a fully paid-up, card-carrying member in good standing. Nobody has explained how one is simultaneously pushed out of and still enrolled in the same organization, but explanations were never really the point.

3. "God told me to." The Almighty, it appears, takes a keen and highly specific interest in Nigerian ticket allocation timelines, tending to issue divine instruction to defect almost exclusively during primary season, and almost never during, say, a flood relief effort or a minimum wage debate.

2. "This is about the people, not about positions." Announced at a press conference whose sole agenda item was the politician's new position. The people referenced were not present, were not consulted, and will next hear from him roughly four years from now, holding a different party flag and the same promises.

1. "I remain committed to my principles." His fourth party in three election cycles, and yet, remarkably, his principles have followed him loyally through every single one, adjusting their tone slightly each time to match the new manifesto, like a very flexible tenant who's never once had to change apartments.

In Nigerian politics, "principles" is the only currency that never loses value, because nobody's ever actually spent one.