Finally, Somebody Is Flying Out of Nigeria for Treatment, and It’s Not a Governor

Let’s be honest. When the headline said an Ebola patient had been flown out of Abuja for treatment abroad, half of Nigeria assumed a commissioner had finally got his promotion.

Plot twist: the patient is a Swiss woman, her husband is a Swiss diplomat, and the “abroad” in question is simply home. With the health minister’s approval and a helping hand from the WHO, the couple left Abuja on Monday morning. She is now in Geneva, he is in isolation in Zurich as a precaution, and she is reportedly stable, conscious and talking. Credit where due: Nigerian teams stabilised her through the worst of it, which is the kind of good news we will forget by Thursday.

For years, our leaders have treated hospitals in Switzerland and London as a second home, so a medical flight out of Nigeria usually comes with an entourage, a briefcase carrier and a press release calling it a “routine check-up.” This one had none of that. Just paperwork, protocols and a very quiet runway.

Meanwhile, 52 Nigerians are under monitoring, which means somebody calls them every single day to ask how they are feeling, checks their temperature, and, here is the miracle, does not ask for anything in return. Several have confirmed this is the most attention they have received since their last birthday. One said even his mother has never been this consistent.

The family group chats were ready. By Monday afternoon, Uncle Emeka, a man who has never opened a medical journal, had forwarded a message marked URGENT: share with ten people and bathe in hot water and salt. We tried that in 2014. People got hurt. It did nothing for Ebola except make the bathroom smell like a failed soup. Please do not bathe in anything. Wash your hands with soap, like a person who has been introduced to soap.

In church, pastors have rebranded the handshake of peace as an elbow bump, while that one uncle at every event still insists on a full two-handed shake, held for four to six business days.

Here is the part nobody is celebrating enough: we have done this before. In 2014, Nigeria recorded 20 cases and shut the outbreak down in three months, which is faster than we have ever finished a flyover. And right now, according to the WHO, Nigeria has no active Ebola cases. Let that sink in, preferably next to a bottle of hand sanitiser.

The 52 will be watched for up to 21 days. In that time, somebody will forward a message claiming bitter kola cures Ebola. It does not. Skip the forwards, trust the NCDC, and if you must share something with ten people, let it be their updates.