#BBNAIJA TEMI NKEM: The UK-Trained Interpreter Sent to Suffer Among Us

Temi Nkem, 21, student, Lagos-born and UK-polished, has spent one week in Biggie's house and already delivered the quote of the season: "How is it you don't understand English?" She said this to fellow Nigerians, in Nigeria, on Nigerian television, a colonial inspection conducted by a girl who was in secondary school when Buhari was still giving speeches nobody understood either.

The irony is a full-course meal. Her official hidden talent, per her own profile, is "listening to people and giving great advice." A certified listener, publicly frustrated that people cannot hear her. The wager brief reading she led reportedly "sparked chaos in the house," which means the designated communicator caused a communication breakdown, making her the first housemate to fail her own hidden talent live on air. The British education is working, just not here.

She has also expressed frustration that housemates keep referencing her London accent, which is like frying akara by the roadside and getting upset that people smell it. Madam, you brought the accent as carry-on luggage. It was in your introduction. It is your entire brand. Housemates referencing it is not bullying; it is citation. In academia, they would call you a primary source.

Her listed hobbies deserve their own investigation: "golfing, eating and walking." That is not the schedule of a 21-year-old student. That is the retirement itinerary of a former Central Bank governor. Golfing, eating and walking is what men do after EFCC loses interest in them. Somewhere in Ikoyi, a 68-year-old retired permanent secretary read her profile and whispered, "she has taken my personality."

And yet, Temi Nkem may be the most honest casting of the season. Every Nigerian family has one: the cousin who returned from the UK in December, complained about the heat, the network, the English and the mosquitoes, and stayed till February eating everything in the kitchen. BBNaija didn't cast a housemate. They cast December in human form, and she will be with us until October. May God grant the other housemates the vocabulary she requires.