Immigration Announces New Express Passport Service, Promises Delivery in Just Nine Months

In what officials have described as "a giant leap forward for administrative efficiency," the Nigeria Immigration Service has unveiled a new Express Passport Processing Service, promising applicants that their passports could now be ready in as little as nine months.

The announcement was greeted with thunderous applause from government officials, several of whom described the timeline as "ambitious" and "almost futuristic."

"For years, Nigerians have complained about delays," an Immigration spokesperson said during the launch. "Today, we are proud to reduce waiting time from 'only God knows' to a predictable nine months."

Applicants welcomed the clarity.

"At least now I know my passport will arrive before my unborn child finishes primary school," one Lagos resident said while checking his application status for the 147th time.

Immigration offices across the country have reportedly begun offering applicants complimentary motivational speeches, neck pillows, and anniversary cards to commemorate every month spent waiting.

Officials also encouraged Nigerians to use the processing period productively by learning a new language, obtaining a master's degree, getting married, or simply "finding themselves."

Travel agencies have embraced the initiative by introducing 'Hope Tickets', fully refundable flight reservations for destinations applicants intend to visit sometime before retirement.

Meanwhile, passport photographers have started reminding customers to smile "in a timeless way," warning that they may no longer resemble the pictures by the time their documents are finally issued.

Government insiders insist the new system represents remarkable progress.

"Rome wasn't built in a day," one official explained. "Neither, apparently, is your passport."

At press time, Immigration announced plans to launch an even faster Premium Ultra Express Service, where applicants willing to pay extra would receive their passports in just eight months and three weeks, pending network availability, file movement, signature circulation, and the successful return of the officer who had "just stepped out."