North-Central APC Says Yari Will "Deliver" The Region, Region Yet To Be Consulted

Big news from the North-Central caucus of APC: they've looked around, done their calculations, and decided that Senator Abdulaziz Yari is the man who will "deliver" the entire region for Tinubu in 2027. Delivered like package. No signature required, apparently, because nobody asked the actual people of the region if they're expecting this delivery.

This is one of those Nigerian political phrases that sounds impressive until you sit down and think about it. "Deliver the region", as if the North-Central is a jollof rice order and Yari is about to show up on a bike with it still hot. Meanwhile, real North-Central Nigerians are dealing with bandits, bad roads, and a market where garri now costs more than some people's transport fare, but okay, let's talk about delivery.

The Forum says they have "confidence" in him, which in political-speak means: we've already decided, we're just informing you, please clap. Nobody explained what exactly Yari has done recently that makes an entire region suddenly deliverable by one man, but that's the beauty of Nigerian politics, confidence doesn't need evidence, it just needs a press conference and a few dignified elder statesmen nodding in the front row.

Of course, other aspirants in the region are already unhappy, because in Nigerian politics, there is always somebody who was "not carried along," and that person will soon be granting interviews about betrayal, loyalty, and how "the party has forgotten those who suffered with it."

By 2027, we'll find out if the region got delivered as promised, or if, like most Nigerian deliveries, it shows up three years late, with something missing, and somebody blaming the rider.

Either way, one thing is certain: nobody consulted the actual customer.