Political Parties Sprint to Beat INEC Deadline, Suddenly Discover Time Exists

Nigeria's political parties have reportedly entered full Olympic mode after remembering that the 2027 elections are not a Netflix series that can be postponed because "life happened."

With INEC's timetable ticking away like an unpaid electricity bill, party headquarters across the country have transformed into emergency centres where politicians are now holding meetings every 17 minutes to decide who deserves the sacred privilege of promising the exact same things they promised in 2023.

Sources say some parties have begun printing posters before deciding who will actually appear on them, insisting that "details can be sorted out later."

Several aspirants have also intensified their consultation tours, a sacred Nigerian ritual involving endless handshakes, strategically timed church appearances, surprise visits to traditional rulers, and the sudden discovery that they have always loved local markets. One hopeful reportedly hugged so many babies in a single afternoon that the babies have formed a support group.

Meanwhile, internal democracy is once again enjoying its annual vacation.

Party primaries, expected to be peaceful exercises in democratic participation, are already showing signs of becoming premium subscription services where the highest bidder gets priority boarding. Delegates have allegedly started charging "surge pricing," explaining that inflation affects patriotism too.

Political analysts say the race against INEC's timetable is less about meeting deadlines and more about ensuring every faction has enough time to accuse every other faction of betrayal before eventually reconciling over a buffet lunch.

INEC, for its part, has politely reminded parties that deadlines are, in fact, deadlines, a revolutionary concept that continues to surprise Nigerian politics every four years.

By election day, Nigerians are expected to witness another spectacular parade of freshly repainted buses, newly sewn party caps, recycled manifestos, and politicians who suddenly remember every village road by name.

As always, the campaign season has officially begun with the country's favourite national sport: pretending this election will be completely different from the last one.