Politicians have once again promised to end poverty “immediately after the elections,” insisting this time is different. Nigerians, now old enough to know campaign rice is not policy, are advised to stay calm and hold their votes tightly while prosperity waits in traffic behind the convoy.
In what analysts have described as the nation's most reliable seasonal miracle, politicians across the country have once again promised to eradicate poverty immediately after the elections, urging citizens to "just hold on a little longer."
At campaign rallies filled with rented plastic chairs and rented enthusiasm, candidates assured cheering supporters that prosperity was already on its way, currently stuck in traffic behind campaign convoys and loudspeakers.
"We have a comprehensive blueprint," one candidate declared, adjusting a starched agbada. "The only obstacle between Nigerians and instant prosperity is your thumb on election day."
The announcement has sparked cautious optimism among citizens, many of whom have been hearing the same promise since they were young enough to believe campaign rice came from personal generosity rather than the national budget.
Political observers note that poverty has become something of a permanent campaign staff member. It appears faithfully every election cycle, poses for photographs with candidates in local markets, then mysteriously disappears from official speeches once winners are sworn into office.
Meanwhile, party spokespersons insist this time is different. According to them, previous governments failed because they inherited problems, while the incoming administration, coincidentally led by them, will inherit only opportunities.
Economists have reacted by checking whether "immediately after the elections" is now an officially recognised fiscal calendar.
On the streets, however, Nigerians remain characteristically resilient. Some residents admitted they would welcome any government capable of fixing electricity before announcing plans to colonise Mars or transform the country into Africa's Dubai by the next budget cycle.
As campaign posters continue to multiply faster than employment opportunities, citizens have been advised to collect every campaign souvenir offered, as it may represent the only government benefit guaranteed to arrive on schedule.
At press time, poverty declined to comment, saying it had survived too many manifesto launches to be intimidated by another promise. It confirmed it would patiently wait for the election results before deciding whether to pack its bags or renew its long-term lease.
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