Tinubu Defends Petrol Subsidy Removal, and Honestly, Your Wallet Was Not Invited to the Defence

Good news: the economy is “recovering.” Bad news: nobody told your pocket.

The President has come out to defend the removal of the petrol subsidy. Yes, that same subsidy that was removed, and that many of us have since been removed from the ability to buy petrol because of. Defend it! As if it was under attack by anything other than our bank balances.

Let us hear the case. The argument goes that the subsidy was a drain, that the money is better spent on roads, hospitals and schools, and that short-term pain brings long-term gain. Beautiful. But we have heard “short-term” before. In Nigeria, short-term is a unit of time that begins on a Monday and ends whenever the next government arrives.

Meanwhile, take my cousin Kunle, a man I invented but who definitely lives in your area. He used to spend a certain amount on fuel to get to work. Now he spends that same amount to get to the junction. For the rest of the journey, he is using faith, which, to be fair, is still subsidised.

Even the Okada man has become an economist. He now explains inflation to you mid-ride, while charging a fare that is itself a lecture. “Oga, na the pump price,” he says, and you nod, because arguing is for people with change.

Supporters say the removal was necessary, and they may well be right. Economists have been saying it for decades. But the thing about necessary medicine is that the patient is still allowed to scream. Nobody tells a man whose tooth is being pulled to keep quiet because it is for his own good.

And the defence always arrives with the same promise: palliatives. Ah, palliatives. A word that sounds like a Greek god and shows up like a rumour. Somewhere there is a bag of rice on its way to you, travelling on the same road the subsidy money was supposed to fix.

Let us not forget the generator owners, our true economic class. They have watched fuel go up and responded by switching off, which is the most patriotic form of saving. Your neighbour now says “light” the way people used to say “holiday”. It is something you hope for, not something you plan around.

Critics say the pain is real. Government says the gain is coming. Both are correct, and both are standing on opposite sides of a generator that has run out of fuel.

Anyway, we thank the President for explaining. Truly, nothing eases a long walk home like a good press statement. Please keep them coming, Sir. The trek is long, and our phone batteries, like our patience, are at two per cent.