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26 stories tagged with nigeria.
Peller has reportedly been named the face of the Olodo Uprising, a bold national movement proving that confidence can, indeed, arrive before understanding. Universities are said to be on alert as Nigerians increasingly answer with conviction, vibes and “you know what I mean.”
Nyesom Dwala
After experts assured Nigerians that true wealth is now hiding in akara, bole, tomatoes and pepper, thousands have reportedly dumped white-collar jobs to chase roadside IPOs. Banks are already rolling out Akara Loans, while a new crop of millionaires prepares to battle for premium pothole locations.
Reuben Datti
The Presidency has finally explained why Aso Rock runs on solar while Nigerians are left to romance the national grid: it’s “out of solidarity.” Officials say they didn’t want to compete with citizens for the little electricity available, unlike the Villa, which enjoys uninterrupted Wi-Fi and air conditioning.
Nyesom Dwala
PHCN says Nigerians will finally enjoy 24-hour electricity by 2099, provided the committee-to-monitor-the-committee roadmap survives all phases. The agency says the plan is “ambitious but achievable,” and generators, inverters and candles have already begun long-term mourning.
Nyesom Dwala
Cement has officially been reclassified as a luxury good, leaving developers to replace project budgets with prayer points and motivational quotes. Nigerians can now admire bags of cement the way they admire imported champagne: from a respectful distance.
Reuben Datti
Political analysts have reportedly found the only sure way Peter Obi can win in 2027: contest all 36 states, the FCT and every Nigerian WhatsApp family group at once. The real challenge, however, may be voters who collect five caps, transport fare and still ask, “Who exactly are we voting for again?”
Reuben Datti
A Nigerian man has reportedly opened his 14th bank account after spending three hours trying to remember which app was holding the ₦12,500 he needed for lunch. Financial experts say this is now the official definition of adulting in a country where money must first be located before it can be spent.
Reuben Datti
The Senate has launched an urgent investigation into why Nigerians keep asking irritating questions like “Where is the money?” and “Why is this road still like this?” Soon, citizens may need a permit before demanding accountability, transparency or common sense.
Nyesom Dwala
The Federal Government has approved a new Ministry of “We’ll Look Into It,” a bold move aimed at centralising the official Nigerian art of acknowledging problems without solving them. From insecurity to unpaid salaries, every complaint will now enjoy one unified journey to “being reviewed.”
Reuben Datti
After years of being told to “believe in the Nigeria of our dreams,” Nigerians have reportedly asked for the dreamer’s full name, address and exact coordinates. Officials insist the country exists, but only in PowerPoint, campaign manifestos and keynote speeches.
Nyesom Dwala
We keep declaring Nigeria the greatest country on earth, then privately asking strangers on LinkedIn if their company is “currently sponsoring skilled workers.” At this point, even patriotism seems to depend on whether the embassy has replied.
Reuben Datti
After years of surviving traffic, fuel queues, stubborn banks and the daily emotional damage of Nigerian life, one man has concluded that the country needs a National Day of Rest. Not a public holiday for celebration — a recovery programme for people who wake up tired and remain available to suffering.
Reuben Datti
Researchers say Nigerians have finally confirmed what WhatsApp has been warning us for years: “I’m on my way” is not a location, it is a mood. In many cases, it simply means the person has seen your call and chosen peace over accuracy.
Reuben Datti
After the family’s 2GB mysteriously vanished before lunch, a national investigation has begun into the person who was “just scrolling.” Authorities suspect the culprit may have also updated 17 apps, backed up 20,000 photos and watched TikTok in 4K using church-level confidence.
Reuben Datti
Lawmakers say Nigeria can no longer leave online quarrels to chance, so they’ve proposed a Ministry of Social Media Arguments to regulate everything from politics to jollof rice supremacy. The new agency is expected to employ certified keyboard warriors and licence phrases like “Respectfully, you’re wrong.”
Reuben Datti
RINEC has unveiled Nigeria’s newest democratic innovation: Queue-Based Voting, a system that replaces ballot papers with the age-old national ritual of standing behind something and hoping for the best. Officials say it’s faster, cheaper, and already familiar to citizens.
Reuben Datti
Residents of Hopefully Renewed State have watched in awe as the governor commissioned the same 3.2-kilometre road for the fourth time, proving that in Nigerian governance, infrastructure is never truly finished — it just keeps trending. Officials say a fifth unveiling is already in the works.
Reuben Datti
A Lagos businessman who left for Abuja for “just one meeting” has returned three weeks later, insisting the meeting still took only one day. Officials say this is normal: in Abuja, one appointment can easily multiply into buffet lunches, signatures and “we’ll keep in touch.”
Reuben Datti
Mental health experts have warned of a new family ailment sweeping Nigeria: the stress of becoming the relative everyone thinks owns an oil block because you once bought shawarma without asking for the price. Symptoms include muted WhatsApp groups, urgent bank alerts, and sudden Christmas rice consultations.
Reuben Datti
Politicians have once again promised to end poverty “immediately after the elections,” insisting this time is different. Nigerians, now old enough to know campaign rice is not policy, are advised to stay calm and hold their votes tightly while prosperity waits in traffic behind the convoy.
Nyesom Dwala
The Federal Government has moved to honour Nigeria’s most reliable national service: complaint. Citizens will soon get a public holiday to lament fuel, light, potholes, data tariffs and everything else, before returning home to complain that the holiday itself is too late.
Nyesom Dwala
The governor has assured residents that no completed project will be left behind under his watch, especially those built by his predecessors. Roads, hospitals and bridges are now being shortlisted for fresh commissioning so the administration can also enjoy the glory of the ribbon.
Nyesom Dwala
The FG has launched a self-service portal so civil servants can now suffer administrative delays from the comfort of their phones. Workers say the new system is a bold step forward: no more office queues, only electronic disappearing files and the familiar Nigerian sound of digital silence.
Nyesom Dwala
FAAN has introduced a Pre-Queue Queue at Lagos airport, where passengers now must first stand in line to qualify for the real line. Officials say it’s a passenger experience upgrade, while travellers say they’ve finally found a queue that queues them back.
Nyesom Dwala
