Petrol Now Sold by Personality - Pump Attendants Ask ‘Can We Trust You?’ Before Pricing

Nigerians were left bewildered yesterday after filling stations reportedly abandoned fixed pump prices in favour of a new customer assessment system known as Personality-Based Fuel Pricing (PBFP).

Under the policy, motorists are no longer asked, “How many litres?” Instead, attendants begin with more important questions such as, “Are you a serious person?”, “What do you do for a living?”, and “Can we trust you with this fuel?”

At one station, a driver was allegedly quoted three different prices within five minutes after admitting he was "still finding himself."

“If you look responsible, you may qualify for the Responsible Citizen Rate,” one pump attendant explained. “But if you arrive blasting loud music and asking for fuel on credit, management says you belong to the Dynamic Opportunity Category.”

Commercial drivers have reportedly begun wearing suits to filling stations in hopes of securing lower prices, while some private car owners now carry briefcases and fake office ID cards to appear financially disciplined.

One university student claimed he was denied petrol entirely after describing himself as “an entrepreneur.”

“They asked me to define entrepreneur,” he lamented. “When I couldn't, they redirected me to the nearest bus stop.”

Behavioural economists have praised the innovation, describing it as the world's first fuel market driven entirely by facial expressions and confidence levels.

Meanwhile, social media users claim some motorists have started practising interview answers before entering filling stations.

At press time, several stations had introduced a VIP Queue for customers who greeted attendants politely, smiled confidently, and could convincingly answer the final screening question:

“Be honest… are you buying this petrol for serious business, or are you just driving around to impress people?”