Experts Predict Peller & Jarvis' Wedding Will Do This For Nigeria's GDP

Following reports that the official aso ebi for Peller and Jarvis' highly anticipated wedding could cost N1 million, Nigerians have reportedly accepted that this is no longer a wedding but a federal infrastructure project.

Financial analysts say guests should begin applying for soft loans immediately, while commercial banks are expected to launch a new product called "Till Death Do Us Pay."

According to insiders, the invitation card will feature a QR code linked directly to your bank account "to save time." Guests who hesitate before making transfers may be redirected to the livestream instead.

Sources claim the bridal train will arrive in a convoy so long that Google Maps has already classified it as traffic.

Meanwhile, event planners have promised over-the-top luxury, including imported flowers that have never experienced PHCN, champagne with diplomatic immunity, and an air-conditioned dance floor for guests whose gele weighs more than their monthly salary.

The souvenir bag is rumoured to contain a power bank, perfume, dollars for spraying, emergency painkillers for high-heel survivors and a financial adviser to help attendees recover emotionally after buying the aso ebi.

Security personnel are also expected to screen guests for fake designers, low account balances and anyone attempting to recycle an outfit from another celebrity wedding.

Economists estimate that Lagos traffic will officially change its name to "Peller Junction" for the day, while food vendors within a five-kilometre radius are already preparing to triple their prices in honour of the occasion.

At press time, thousands of Nigerians who were never invited had already begun debating the wedding budget online, comparing it to the national budget, and declaring, "If I pay N1 million for aso ebi, I should at least be allowed to sign the marriage certificate too."